Most of you will remember waiting in the Dr.'s office and having nothing but Reader's Digest to peruse while nervously anticipating being called back to an exam room.
Of course, I always went straight for the Highlights magazine, strangers glances be damned!
I just had to know how Goofus and Gallant were getting along.
But if you did pick up the Reader's Digest, you might have read one of those ' I Am Joe's ____' articles where the blank would be a particular body part of the fictional Joe.
If so, you will get my parody presented here. If not, go Google the term and learn somethin', will ya?
I Am Joe(Liberal)'s Brain:
I am Joe's brain.
I control how Joe acts.
Let me tell you a little about myself.
I consist of four parts or lobes. They are the Frontal lobe, the Parietel lobe, the Occipital lobe and the Temporal lobe.
Each lobe is responsible for different things. For instance, my Frontal lobe is responsible for Joe's reasoning and problem solving skills, my Parietal lobe is responsible for movement, my Occipital lobe is responsible for Joe's visual processing and my Temporal lobe is responsible for Joe's speech and hearing.
The more "wrinkled" my lobes are, the more efficient and highly effective they are because the "wrinkles" create more surface area.
As you can see, my Frontal lobe is as smooth as a baby's ass because I can't for the life of me remember ever using it.
On the other hand, my Temporal lobe is as wrinkled and gnarled as an eighty year old man's sack, as Joe has a thing for shouting Democratic slogans.
Now deep inside of me is a very old, very primitive part called the limbic system, also known as the "emotional brain" , and it consists of the thalamus, the hypothalamus, the amygdala, and the hippocampus.
This part of me really gets a work out. It is the part that makes me feel all gooey when I hear about the poor and downtrodden.
Oh, how I love it when Joe attends some Democratic fundraiser and I hear the stories of Republican oppressors and their evil plans for the indigent of this country.
I absolutely just about blow my thalamus out thinking of those poor illegals and how some in this country actually want them to adhere to our laws. When we come home and Joe finishes giving the cats a tongue bath, I feel like my entire limbic system has been through the wringer.
But alas, these are about the only times that Joe exercises me.
In fact, most of the time, I am pretty dormant. :(
Oh sure, Joe might come home from his day job as a social worker/community organizer (this is when I sleep) and turn on the TV, but the only part of me that even bothers to wake up is the Temporal and Occipital lobes so he can listen and watch MSNBC.
But I know a guy, Ronald(Conservative)'s Brain and I swear, he looks like the 'after' photo of a Charles Atlas ad.
He works out daily and man, does he get the babes!
He told me that I will never get any healthier in Joe's head, and that I ought to start by exercising my Frontal lobe every day.
I guess I could, but that sounds like a lot of work, you know?
Instead, I think I will just wait a few more months until Joe can legally marry that cute guy Bruce(Liberal) from across the hall at our taxpayer funded community housing and instead of all that sweaty exercising, I can just listen to whatever Bruce(Liberal)'s brain says over a nice Chardonnay.
In fact, tomorrow I think I will take an ice pick to that nasty ol' Frontal lobe and make some room for my throbbing amygdala.
Liberally Yours,
Joe(Liberal)'s Brain
